Left to Ponder
by One Who Rides On The Wind
Summary: He always thought he wasn’t good enough for her. What he didn’t know was in her view, he was perfect. [Kakashi x Shizune, drabbleish, charactercentric wise, slightly angsty maybe?]


Title: Left to Ponder Summary: He always thought he wasn't good enough for her. What he didn't know was in her view, he was perfect. Kakashi x Shizune, drabble-ish, character-centric wise, angsty or maybe not… Author: One Who Rides On The Wind  
Characters: Kakashi, Shizune Genre: Romance  
Rating: K+  
Author notes: I'm still on holiday in Vietnam. Had my laptop with me, was bored and had this little idea in my head for a while so… yeah. Haven't been writing next chapters for CERTAIN fics :coughcoughKonohaAcademycough: so I may not be updating anytime soon (you'll have to wait a fortnight at the most). Sorry to the folks who are waiting. Let the fic begin!

* * *

He always thinks it isn't right. He never thinks it is. 

It just isn't right. They are too different, live two different lives, far apart yet they are the same.

He doesn't like it.

Yet he still craves for what he cannot have. He sits up in the middle of the night, aroused and upset that he can't have her. But he still wishes for it, and doesn't stop hoping.

He sees what he wants most of the time, and he doesn't like that fact. The others notice this once or twice, but soon let it go as something they hallucinated. But it isn't a hallucination. It is real, and they know it.

He wonders if he will ever tell someone. He always lies to others, to himself. When he did try to voice it out, it would either end up as a lie or a jumble of words.

He can't do it, so in the end he loses it and drowns himself in darkness. He still takes missions and has guard duty, but when he doesn't, he hides away so others cannot find him.

At times like these, he is a coward.

-

She would have helped him.

She didn't know it, but she was, and is what he craves for. Her kindness, her warmth, her smile. And her healing. He _needed,_ and still needs her healing.

She finds him and tries to visit often, but he shuns her away. He thinks she thinks he is a freak, because he views himself as one.

He doesn't know it, but she would never view him as one. She finds him stunning, a little aloof (in a good way), calm and so very mysterious. She wants to know more about him.

But he wouldn't let her. He is trapped inside his own memories, inside himself. He wonders if what he is doing is for the best. He assumes so, and stays be.

But he assumes wrong.

She persists, and he finally lets her visit. Though he tries to keep his heart away from her, he is afraid. Afraid of the same weight that was carried upon him since he was young.

She doesn't understand. She heals him, yet he doesn't smile even when he wears his mask. He doesn't usually wear it, he takes it off when around her. And when he doesn't she can still see how he's feeling. His eyes say it all.

She likes his eyes. Yes, she sees both of them when he takes off the forehead protector he wears over one of them. The Sharingan eye intrigues her, it belonged to his friend. She remembered him, the Uchiha who wore goggles. The scar over it she sees reminds her of all he's been through. She doesn't like to be reminded twice.

His 'normal' eye seems closed, yet ever watchful of his surroundings. She watches him, and he watches her.

She still doesn't understand. Perhaps she never will.

-

He doesn't really care if he dies, he thinks it's only death. Nothing more, nothing less.

He thinks that if he died, he wouldn't be able to feel pain anymore.

He is partially right but if he died, others would feel his pain for him.

Her job is to prevent death. She knows she can't always succeed, but if she can, she will.

In the hospital, he tells her he doesn't mind if he died. She says it isn't the right time for him to leave the world of the living yet.

He asks why. She just smiles and replies it's fate.

-

Fate. It seems like such a strange word. There are those who believe in it, and those who don't.

It confuses him. He asks her what she thinks fate is. She says fate only pre-determines the future, but doesn't always tell the truth. She explains it's all about luck.

He smiles, and she blushes slightly. She kisses him gently on the forehead, and then she giggles and hugs him.

He needs his rest, she can tell so she leaves the room, promising to check up on him later. So Kakashi's confused now, left pondering over what just happened.

Owari.

* * *

A/N: I bet I wrecked the ending, I just know it. Screw that, I wrecked the whole thing. D: Review please, it'll make me happy. 


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